This is me

it is finally october..yay..even though im like 8 days late…it shouldnt matter.

So to my readers…..u know….all 0 of u…how are you?

The past month, things have changed and something havent.

Friendships were redefined and im still fat….so yea

I am so tired of the fakeness that i see from people who so “care” for me. ugh its infuriating.

that my 2 close friends are on the outs.

I want to heal everything…but somethings are not in my control. I know that it will get better over time, but its so grrr

I miss my friend.

we havent spoken in like 2 weeks..over something so stupid.

I feel wronged too, he doesnt know that.

I apologized and he didnt think my apology was sincere.

Ah well I guess.

I just miss him that’s all.

I know I am late but I would like to wish my 2 readers a happy new year.

 This year started off with a bang so to say.

I came out to my friends at a party! a new years party! lol

and no i wasn’t drunk..maybe a lil tipsy but I was well aware of what I was going to do.

So yea I’m gay.

My friend asked me if I was sure because I had never done anything with the same sex…(little does she know) and how would i possibley know and that I couldnt be sure.

She then proceeds to tell me how she cannot see me with annyone..Not a Guy or  a Girl and I was hurt. Was not mad at her, but I am hurt because i believe her.

Can People be destined not to find love?

The fact that she can’t see me with anyone is striking a chord. I do commend her because she was being honest and i truly believe that my other friends believe that. See I hang out with my friends a lot and i never really told them my type( before they knew the truth) and I think that kind of made an imprint in their heads that I am just a great friend, that my personality could not mesh with anyone.

I am not what the stereotype thinks of gays. Truly am not.Overwight/ugly/ who knows what else.  Hence why my confidence is low to the ground.

I know my friends know this and hence why they may neglect to try to hook me up with anyone or w/e. It is sad that they are happy, with their relationships and crap..or sexual prowless..but hey what can u do right?

Well anyways peeps…sorry to depress u with this depressing blog…just how im feeling today.

Very soon I will be in the middle of 2 friends falling out.

I care about both very much, but I do not want awkwardness to ensue, which it probably will.

Nothing I can do Now I guess.

Just a waiting game.

I am really starting not to care about certain decisions that my friends make. Even though they are horrible decisions. If i talk and noone listens, that is there business but when things start crashing down, they most likely come to me for advice. Friends who don’t listen. Friends who do not think for themselves…I believe those are the worst because if you are echoing what other people are telling you and you have no thought on a matter, you’re quite sad. Or if you do “try” to pick up an argument to defend yourself, you sound like a moron. The worst indeed. Also friends who come up with bullshit excuses…just speak the fucking truth and maybe i wont be inclinded to slap you in the face for your stupidity.  Do what you want, but you wont be successful