This is me

I just dont know what to do…which seems like a weekly occurance with me.

I hate this…i need to be great in my life…..but i dont think my desire at the moment will get it there. I am constantly down and a lot of it is to do with school….I am not a bad student, however, math is kicking my ass to the point where I am sure I failed it…no time to withdraw

((sigh)) i just dont know. I have a weak mind…a lazy mind…and sometimes im in it to win it…and a lot of times im not…and that is the worst crime…..ahhhh i hate it…i dont know what to do…i keep disappointing myself and the people around me.

Will it ever change?

I still feel like shit!

I hate this so much. Just this eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach that I cannot shake.

I think its just the lack of a relationship that is making me feel like crap.

i was fine for a while buti guess it resurfaced.

Everyone craves intimacy.

I think it is something that one needs in life or theyw ill be a stone cold shell.

I know I am late but I would like to wish my 2 readers a happy new year.

 This year started off with a bang so to say.

I came out to my friends at a party! a new years party! lol

and no i wasn’t drunk..maybe a lil tipsy but I was well aware of what I was going to do.

So yea I’m gay.

My friend asked me if I was sure because I had never done anything with the same sex…(little does she know) and how would i possibley know and that I couldnt be sure.

She then proceeds to tell me how she cannot see me with annyone..Not a Guy or  a Girl and I was hurt. Was not mad at her, but I am hurt because i believe her.

Can People be destined not to find love?

The fact that she can’t see me with anyone is striking a chord. I do commend her because she was being honest and i truly believe that my other friends believe that. See I hang out with my friends a lot and i never really told them my type( before they knew the truth) and I think that kind of made an imprint in their heads that I am just a great friend, that my personality could not mesh with anyone.

I am not what the stereotype thinks of gays. Truly am not.Overwight/ugly/ who knows what else.  Hence why my confidence is low to the ground.

I know my friends know this and hence why they may neglect to try to hook me up with anyone or w/e. It is sad that they are happy, with their relationships and crap..or sexual prowless..but hey what can u do right?

Well anyways peeps…sorry to depress u with this depressing blog…just how im feeling today.

I havent really been in a relationship. Truth be told I am terrified to get into one because I am afraid I would be a horrible boyfriend. With demands from my parents and stuff.

Most people my age could go to work or school and right after meet up with their bf/gf. With me it seems like I always have to watch my little sisters or something like that. Could I handle a relationship without ruinng it? I dont know.

I am just tired of being alone, I really want that companionship but if i do I am afraid that it wont last and that said person would end up hating me.

Very soon i will be embarking on a life changing process. It will be tough but I think I can handle it.

I hope so.